Insights From A Nazi Concentration Camp - Man's Search For Meaning by Viktor Frankl

Last year I read Man’s Search For Meaning by Viktor Frankl. It’s short, but truly profound.

Viktor Frankl was a neurologist and psychiatrist in Germany in the 1930’s. He was also a Jew, so at 37 he was taken to a concentration camp. His sister escaped capture, fled the country and lived. But every other member of his family, his parents and siblings, even his wife, died in those camps. He fought to survive for years, narrowly escaping death several times. Those stories alone make this a gripping book. Mixed in between the stories, he shares what those experiences taught him about humanity.

You might want to put on a snorkel—this is deep stuff.

Our environment puts real pressure on us to act a certain way. But ultimately, nothing can force us to choose our attitude or approach to life.

Scraps of food while on harsh work assignments made staying alive a competition between the captives. Generosity could get a prisoner killed. But some chose to be generous. In conditions that pushed men to act like animals, that even one could choose nobility and service proved environment doesn't rule us. He humbly admitted that he wasn’t always one of those who gave generously. But saw many other men live that way every day. 

No group of people is all evil or all good.

There were Jewish prisoners who became junior wardens--many of these were more brutal than the worst German guards. And there were a few of the guards who snuck extra food to prisoners and helped save their lives. 

The key to surviving is living with purpose.

He said that the difference between those who endured and lived and those who gave up and died came down to one thing: whether or not they felt there was any meaning or value in their future. Did they have some to live for after camp life? Those whose purpose was short-term died once it passed. The most common example: I will hold on until Christmas, when we’ll be rescued. The survivors had something bigger to sustain them, like returning to family or serving God.

Suffering can be noble and purposeful. 

The American value to "always be happy" can make those who suffer from things like disease or tragic accidents feel ashamed to feel bad. (Frankl settled in America after the war and had concerns about this aspect of American cultural.) But there can be great meaning in suffering nobly. We don't enjoy the suffering--by definition that's not possible. But rising above your pain to choose generosity and wisdom while suffering can be a life to be proud of.

It's about having purpose and meaning to your life, not merely pleasure.

What purpose are you chasing? What matters so much to you that you would endure suffering to achieve it?

I’ll finish with some quotes to give you a taste of how rich the rest of the book is:

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” 

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” 

“But there was no need to be ashamed of tears, for tears bore witness that a man had the greatest of courage, the courage to suffer.” 

“In some ways suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning, such as the meaning of a sacrifice.” 

“Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose.” 

“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”   
    

Trim Good Things From Your Life - A Lesson From Bern's Steakhouse

We’re all equally busy. We’re all alive the same 24 hours doing something. But some people get more done at the end of the day than others. This truth was driven home for me at what might be the best steak restaurant in the United States of America: Bern’s Steakhouse in Tampa, Florida.

I know. That’s a bold statement. And I’ve actually eaten at several amazing steakhouses around the country. (Visiting great restaurants is one of my favorite perks of working for a restaurant company.) But Bern’s is truly special. One example: Every dining party at Bern's is offered a tour of their kitchens and wine cellar. When my group took the tour we saw their meat storage and I learned an astounding fact.

For every 4 pounds of meat purchased they sell 1 pound.

Keep in mind, they buy only the very best meat—the top 1%. (Start saving your money now, Bern’s isn’t cheap.) Some weight is lost to evaporation during their dry aging process. But most of the reduction happens when the chefs trim the meat. (They repurpose every bit they trim, from making gravy to going back to fertilize their organic farm.) They’re so passionate about great steak that they cut off meat other steakhouses would consider good.

Greatness requires trimming good things in order to spend more time on the best.

What good things are getting in the way of you doing more great things? Jim Collins (brilliant business/leadership author) says, “Good is the enemy of great.”

All of 2013, I missed writing this blog. A few months ago, after much thought and prayer, I made a hard choice. I decided to: 1) go to bed earlier so I could get up earlier; and 2) to stop playing strategy games on my computer and smart phone. Some of you know how much I love being a night owl and playing strategy games. It wasn’t for a moral reason—I still like the strategy games on my phone. But I was willing to trim games and even living like a night owl (good things) to make room in my life for writing (great thing).

What good things could you prune from your life? What great thing do you value so much you’d be willing to pay that price?

And if you need some inspiration (and have money to spend), maybe you and I should travel to Tampa and discuss what you should trim over dinner at Bern’s. :)

Psychiatrist Confesses: Best Life Is Actually Stressed Life

I recently watched a video with profound and practical insights. It’s from the TED Conference (ted.com). If you don’t know about TED, then let me introduce you to perhaps the world’s greatest collection of informative, inspirational videos. World class speakers are each given 20 minutes at most—some only 3 or 6 minutes—to present an amazing idea.

This video has become one of the most watched videos in their epic collection.

http://www.ted.com/talks/kelly_mcgonigal_how_to_make_stress_your_friend

Here’s my summary:

Dr. McGonigal confesses in the beginning that she’s been all wrong about stress. For 10 years, as a psychiatrist, she’s been helping people reduce the stress in their lives. Her belief was that stress was bad for you. And there are decades of research supporting that. But she and her colleagues were wrong.

A new set of studies has come out to overturning this foundational belief. The video gives more detail, but in short,  it is true that in some cases, living with high stress does result in more physical illness. But this is only true when the people under high stress believe that the stress is bad for them. Those with low stress did have better health than that high stress group. But the best health of all was enjoyed by those with high stress who also believed that the stress wasn’t bad for them.

In short, what you believe about your stress is the deciding factor.

My favorite part came at the very end of the video. After the talk was over the emcee asked her how this impacts our life choices, whether to choose the more challenging path or the easier path.

She said it’s better to choose a more difficult path that has meaning than living to avoid discomfort.

This encourages me and challenges me. It’s like a road sign reading “Stress Ahead” reminding me that an exceptional life is not an easy life. But with a clear purpose and healthy support systems, pursuing exceptional might turn out to be the best life.

Have you experienced this dynamic in your life—a season of high stress where you thrived rather than barely survived? What made the difference for you?

4 Obstacles I Overcame Establishing A Morning Routine

In a recent post about my new morning routine, I didn’t mention all of the obstacles I’ve had trying to establish it. Many people asked how I overcame various challenges. Let me be clear, establishing a robust routine I stuck with wasn’t easy. I didn’t just decide and succeed. I’ve been working on this for a few years, failing and learning. Hopefully, sharing my journey can help you as you figure out a way around or through your obstacles.

I’M A NIGHT OWL INSTEAD OF A MORNING PERSON
My brain is on fire late at night and I love sleeping in. Ask my college buddies. I went to no classes before 11am and played, I mean studied until 2am most days. So my first attempt for a strong routine was a late night routine. But a nighttime routine didn't work for me. 

First, neither my job or my kids were okay with me sleeping until 10am. And I want to be fully engaged with both. Second, my wife wasn’t able to stay up crazy late and didn’t like going to bed alone. Third, my most frequent behavior, when I did stay up late, was to spend that time playing: TV, video games, novels, etc.

If you can make a night routine work, then go for it. I have friends who have a productive late night routine. Mornings aren’t intrinsically better than nights for reading, writing, praying, etc. But after trying both time slots, I found mornings to be much more productive for me. Do your own experiments and see what works best for you. 

One exception to this is exercise.  The science is clear. Exercising wakes your body up, including boosting the metabolism so you burn more calories and think more clearly for several hours after exercising. Sleeping slows those same processes down. Exercising at night means you lose some of the benefits and can have a harder time getting to sleep.

I HAD A HARD TIME WAKING UP
I understand being tired. I have a full-time job, sometimes do speaking/consulting on the side, have 4 young children, a wife I like to date, I am very active in Christian ministry outside my main job, I write books and blog, and try to talk with friends all over the world. I understand tired. In fact, last year I was diagnosed with medical exhaustion. Yeah, I’ve been that tired.

I had a big breakthrough when I decide to make my first priority increasing my physical energy. For a long while, I worked almost exclusively on habits like sleep, eating, exercise, and even took daily supplements prescribed by my doctor. If getting in shape, including exercise, is a new part of your routine, prepare yourself for at least 3-4 months of physical exhaustion. While you're in this phase, give yourself permission to do less of everything else. Don’t slack off the plan—taking breaks only extend this exhausting phase. Slowly, your body will improve and eventually you’ll have the energy to add other elements to your routine.

One more tip here, the first thing on my routine is something that helps me wake up. I read and think and pray. It wakes my brain up and gives me time to remember why I have a morning routine. I don’t think I could begin with a workout or writing.

MY DAYS WERE ALREADY FULL
Extra time in the morning doesn’t mean I’m sleeping less. Remember, a healthy body is foundational to be able to do the rest of the things I want to do. So that does mean I have had to reduce some of my other activities. Welcome to mature living—every new thing you want to add to your life means choosing something to subtract. For me, it was video games. I still love them, but I only play two limited games on my smart phone. And I’m considering stopping them both so I can add something else. 

It isn’t that I don’t still love video games. It’s that I’ve found other things I love doing even more. And if you don’t truly find something that valuable that you’d give up something else to do it, then maybe it shouldn't be in your regular routine. Make a choice one way or the other and own it.

I DON’T HAVE A REGULAR WORKING SCHEDULE
Part of my job includes traveling. Every couple of weeks I wake up in a hotel. And even when I’m at home my start time changes wildly. Some days I have to leave the house by 6am and others I work from home with only a phone call in the afternoon. Some days I’m done by 5pm and some days I’m not home until after midnight. Literally every night I have to consult my calendar and change the time on my wake-up alarm.

Whenever I need to leave the house, I set the alarm for 2 hrs earlier. Different time every day, same routine. Here’s what I’ve learned: I never regret getting up early. But I have regretted taking a morning off. One trick I’ve used is to get up and just do the first item on my list, giving myself permission to go back to bed if I’m still too tired after that—I never do go back to bed, though.

Full confession: Some crazy early days, which are infrequent, I give myself permission to do a shorter version of the routine (e.g. 10 minutes of exercise rather than 30).

OVERALL APPROACH
Build your morning routine in layers. You don’t have to jump from shower and shave to a two hour morning routine. What’s the most important first step for you? What single habit would add the most to your life? Start there. When that’s in place, you can add another. Planned well, each habit you establish will make it easier to add the next. 

My recommendation: If you don’t know where to start, improve your physical energy first. It will make everything else easier.

Take the long view and don’t beat yourself up, even if it takes years. Don’t be fooled. This is not a small life change. Respect the effort it requires as well as the benefits it provides. In fact, I’m probably not done improving my morning routine. There are two parts I still want to improve. Bit by bit, I’m working on living a more exceptional life. And you can, too.

I Changed My Mornings And It Changed My Life

I’ve recently made a change that is having a wonderful impact on my life. Being able to blog regularly again is one of the smaller benefits, actually. I’ve wanted to for a long time, but had a hard time finding time to do it.

Then two months ago, I decided to craft a great morning routine. My days are full of distractions and demands and it’s hard to squeeze in some crucial activities. But have much more control over what I do just after waking up.

Great mornings make the rest of the day better. And better days add up to a better life.

Here’s my new morning routine:

• Read, pray, re-focus my life for 30 min
• Exercise for 30 min (I use the T25 workout videos)
• Shower and dress for the day (and shave, etc)—this takes me about 20 min
• Eat breakfast for 10 min—every morning I drink a protein shake, a healthy energy drink, and take vitamins
• Write for 30 min (my blogs, my next book, etc)

Note: I don’t exercise on the weekends and I sometimes make a big breakfast for my family.

That’s two hours long. My old morning routine was only 20 min—that’s how fast I can do the minimum required: shower, shave, and dress. (Yes, getting ready as a man is much easier than for women—but let’s save issue that for another post.)

We are primarily products of our weekly habits. I want spiritual health, physical energy, creative expression, and a positive impact on the world. So I’m doing something for these important areas every morning.

What elements make up your definition of a great life? Put each element into your morning routine. On the flip side, are there parts of your daily routine that aren’t truly important to you? Are you wasting some of your precious morning routine on these things? 

You may notice that I don’t check email in the morning. That’s not because I don’t love my job. I have an amazing job. But I will spend the heart of every weekday on work projects. My morning routine is reserved for precious items that often get crowded out of my life. 

Thanks to my new routine, I’m losing weight without being on a diet (I also track calories throughout the day as well, but that’s another post), I’m growing spiritually, and I’m writing again. I’m much more satisfied with who I am and how I’m living. And all I changed was my morning routine.

You will enact your morning routine THOUSANDS of times in your life. What kind of life do you want? Craft a morning routine that matches that. Choose to do more than the minimum.

"And that's an order!" (Surprising Leadership Confession of Colin Powell)

I had the chance to see Colin Powell speak on leadership. He did a fair bit of leading back in the day when he was a 4 star general, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs, and Secretary of State for the United States of America. Much of what he said was rich, but things I'd heard or read before--solid leadership fundamentals. He had some clever new expressions of leadership ideas I'd never heard. But he said one thing that totally surprised me. 

(One other surprise first--he's funny! He has a great, dry sense of humor. He told stories of presidents looking out the window while he talked and his conversations with arrogant subordinates...I laughed more than once.)

He was asked about how he got people to do what he wanted. He said, "People often think that generals go around saying, 'And that's an order!' But nothing could be further from the truth. I don't think I've ever said that in my entire military career."

He went on to say leadership is about making other see it's in their best interest to follow your vision.

I think we owe military leaders an apology. I can't count the number of times speakers and writers have referred to "command and control" as military-style leadership. At least in Colin Powell's sphere of influence, leaders didn't rely on their formal authority to get people to do what they wanted. They didn't lead via orders alone.

The U.S. military may be the most serious, formal hierarchy in the world today. You can literally be fired AND jailed for not obeying a direct order. But their top leaders don't rely on that power to demand obedience. They cast vision and build relationships and inspire their soldiers to want to do what they want.

I'm not saying they don't apply discipline to unruly people, Both of my grandfathers and my brother and two cousins are military veterans. Bad behavior is not tolerated. But there's a big difference how they punish bad behavior and how they inspire service men and women to run toward the vision.

It looks like we need more military-style leadership, not less. The moral of the story: Don't use your formal power to make people do things, convince and inspire instead. And that's an order! :)

Book Review: Start Up Nation - The Story of Israel's Economic Miracle

I just finished reading Start-Up Nation: The Story of Israel's Economic Miracle (click the image below to jump to Amazon if you're interested in buying it). It's is a good read for those trying to become entrepreneurs and/or leaders trying to create an entrepreneurial culture. Beyond that, it's also a fascinating report on the development of the very unique Israeli culture that has emerged in the last twenty years. 

One key, according to the authors, is the informal culture. Subordinates think it normal to challenge their leaders--even asking new managers to their face why you're the one promoted and not me. Military generals are addressed with their first name only and everyone in power is given a nickname. This informality promotes ideas being shared by everyone, whereas more formal cultures restrict input to those who have the most power and experience. And if you think about it, those who built the current system and/or have grown up in it are the people least likely to offer truly disruptive creativity. 

Another key is their mandatory military service. Their young people are handed huge responsibility at a young age--and are empowered to improvise with lives hanging in the balance. Further, they all remain in the reserves, drilling about a month each year. On top of that, the network of relationships that emerges connects people from all walks of life all across the country. Many of their best entrepreneurial teams formed through connections found in their military network.

Finally, surrounded by violent enemies, they truly believe that their survival depends on being the best. For example, ignoring the maxim that small countries buy weapons from larger countries who do all the military R&D, they attempted to create the world's best fighter jet. They actually succeeded, in terms of technological breakthroughs, but couldn't make the finances of production work. But their drive to be the best anyway resulted in dozens of spin off projects based on those developments. (Think how the US space program boosted their economy similarly.)

Questions this book prompts:

How much formality do you ask from those around you? How much do experience and titles matter?

Where are you meeting people unlike you? How do you keep in touch with old friends?

And why should you bother to pursue new or different ways of working? What purpose is with all that effort?